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Youth Research Vox, 

Los Angeles, CA, U.S.

Two: When will I be good enough for my parents?

           “MOM! STOP!” Abby yelled. “You’re being so rude and unfair! You don’t trust me at all and your rude comments are so annoying!” With that, Abby stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door. 

           Abby spent a few hours in her room, overwhelmed by her emotions. She couldn’t help but feel so frustrated that her mother kept reminding her how she thought that her new friend, Sofia, felt like a bad influence. Worrying over how hanging out with Sofia was jeopardizing her academic performance seemed so dumb to Abby. She had her life under control—and who was her mom to dictate who she was friends with and what she did in her freetime? She already finished her homework; wasn’t that enough? Clearly, her mom didn’t think so. 

              Abby recalled how her mom had shook her head disapprovingly earlier that day. “Completing your homework is the bare minimum, Abby. I want you to stay at the top of your class. You are not spending your time wisely anymore. Stop wasting your time and please get off the couch and do something meaningful right now,” she had said impatiently. Abby churned those words in her mind, each replay striking her like an unrelenting storm. 

            But mom hadn’t always been like this. She used to be happy for Abby—her first science project, volleyball tryouts, and new friendships. Everything Abby did once made her mom happy and proud. Tears stung Abby’s eyes as she remembered all the moments when she made her mom happy and proud. She missed those moments so much. 

           Abby felt uneasy about storming off; she deeply valued her mom’s approval, but also wanted to continue her friendship with Sofia. How was she supposed to balance both? How could she be true to herself and still make her mom happy? Then, Abby remembered Oak’s story. Oak and his brother were both talented swimmers, but no matter how hard Oak tried, he could never match his brother in the swimming competitions. Their parents always praised his brother’s perfect performances, unaware of Oak's frustration—until he finally had an honest conversation with them. Maybe, Abby needed to do the same with her mom. But what if her mom wouldn’t listen? A sudden thought struck Abby: in all her complaints about her mom, she'd never expressed how much she appreciated her support, nor had she ever said how much it meant to see her mom proud and happy for her.
             Abby realized that if she wanted her mom to understand her, she needed to tell her the truth: she was grateful for her mom’s support and felt like the luckiest person alive when her mom was happy for her. Abby doesn’t know how it would go, but she knew that she would start the conversation by saying: “Mom, I’ve realized that while I often complain about what you say and do, I’ve never shared the things you do that mean a lot to me. That's not fair. Would you like to know what I truly appreciate about you?” And with this plan, Abby felt that she was once again her true self—a compassionate and effective youth leader.

Sun, C. JYLR Open 2024. http://doi.org/10.56299/klm345